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'I'm fed up looking like Father Christmas,'Muttered Father Christmas one year.'I need a new outfit. I must move with the times.
To vaguely amuseAnd banish the bluesWriting clerihewsI would choose.
Mr MerryhewWould ferry youAcross the Thames at BrayOn a tea tray.
Catfishtake catnaps on seabedsSticklebacksstick like glueTerrapinsare terrific with needlesBut what does a didgery do?
I give you clean air
You give me poisonous gas.
I give you mountains
You give me quarries.
I give you pure snow
You give me acid rain.
We're the Mafia catsBugsy, Franco and ToniWe're crazy for pizzaWith hot pepperoni
Newly baked and fresh todayEat while hot or take away.
If you are very good I will give you:
A pillow of blue strawberries
A swimming pool of Haagen-Dasz
A mirror of imagination
A pocketful of yes’s
When Raymond Gough joined our classHe was almost a year behind.'Sanatorium', said Mrs McBride'So I want you all to be kind.'
Midnight. A knock at the door.Open it? Better had.Three heavy cats, mean and bad.
'On buses and trains you wouldn't believeThe crazy things that passengers leave:
A pair of crutches, I kid you not,Hot-waterbottle, full but no longer hot