'I'm fed up looking like Father Christmas,'
Muttered Father Christmas one year.
'I need a new outfit. I must move with the times.
So, for a start, it's goodbye, reindeer.'
He googled 'alternative Santas'
And was amazed at the stuff that appeared.
He got rid of the holly-red costume,
Had a haircut and shaved of his beard.
Spent weeks in front of a computer
In a cave hollowed out of the ice
Wearing a T-shirt emblazoned Happy Holidays
And jeans (Amazon, half price).
Couldn't wait to straddle his snow-ped
(The bargain he'd bought on eBay):
A rocket-powered silver toboggan,
His supersonic sleigh.
Then one morning he though, 'Oh why bother
Delivering presents by hand
When it could all be done online?
Busy parents will understand.
We are lucky to live in a digital age
Where the aim is access and speed.
SantaNet I'll call the system -
And that was years and years ago
Now little children barely know
About Midnight mass and mistletoe
Christmas carols and candle glow
Sleigh bells ringing across the snow
And Santa singing Yo ho ho
For that was years and years ago
For that was years and years ago.