Everything I Never Asked Him

Everything I Never Asked Him by Nikita Gill

How often do you tell

your mother that you love her.

How often has your father

held you and let you cry.

Did you ever love a soul

you always knew would never love you back.

Did you ever love a man fiercely enough

to hold him close yet not name him brother.

Can you speak of the first girl who broke your heart

without calling her something cruel too.

Can your heart ever heal from the things

you will never tell me were done to you.

Is there a worship inside you

that calls to the forgotten forgiveness in you.

Is there a sacred you wish someone understood,

a sweeter language you wish someone else knew too.

Have your fingers known fists

before they knew the openness of holding hands.

Has your skin known bruises

before it has known the tenderness of touch.

What would you be the God of.

What would you be the God of.

If they made you

a God of soft things

would you finally learn gentle

in ways it was withheld from you.

© Nikita Gill, from SLAM! You’re Gonna Wanna Hear This, chosen by Nikita Gill, Macmillan, 2020